I’m not happy with myself. Nor how I have been communicating with some of you on Facebook.
Nor am I happy that my mom and her coworkers are going through this situation. I am scared to be honest.
I need to back up just a bit.
2/13/07 my whole life changed and at first it could have been for the worst. My parents fought for me when I couldn’t speak, move, breath. I came into the hospital with a Glasgow coma scale of 3. Although doctors didn’t say it from what I know, upon doing research myself a score of 3 signifies death with a near 100% mortality rate.
Because of that the way I may act or cope with something may not be how you handle the situation. I worry a lot and I admit that but it really does seem that it annoyed some of you. And for that reason I do apologize. I grieve differently and it seems that I was backlashed each time I got a pushback. In fact that only fueled the act and my actions linger on.
I don’t want to say much but I can’t really help it now. The last few months with Greenlee were not joyous. I often dreaded going into work because I just knew that some hell was going to be placed on me that day. They wanted me to quit but I declined their offer because I wanted to work. I am not the type of person that likes to just sit back on Social Security. I am just not that type of person! I have always been a driven person and if I wasn’t, then please tell me how I got to where I am today? There are a few reasons why they may have wanted me to quit but I am starting to believe they were all influenced by one person. That person helped to turn Scott on me. When I started over 3 years ago Scott was someone that I could go to when I needed help. He was also in the military and so he could understand me. After one manager change, it just started to go downhill and I have my own speculation as to why but I will not disclose that here.
So now I am back to square one and taking it much harder than most. Not because I want to but rather it is just who I am now. Finding a job is difficult for many and throwing the factor that I am disabled makes it much harder. There’s things I can’t do and things I won’t do because of my safety and the safety of those around me. Then there are those things such as speaking that I am often talked out of and in turn I rely that message. Yes I realize that I am difficult to understand. But have you taken the chance to know my voice? The chance to know me for who I am?
I joined linked in earlier but I never really used it up until January 2018. It was scary to put myself out there but I did it. I realized soon that I am a source of inspiration for many. For those who think they can’t because of an illness or an injury. For those who just think that. I am going to continue to inspire there and we will see what will come out of it.
So please I ask you do not halt my process of grieving. It will end when I make it through the stages. I will try not to bring it up first when talking with you individually. Please help me through this; that is all I ask.